dated 12 July 2014
As I recollect it, my pent-up anger dates from my having successfully obtained a middle-class, living-wage job, namely high-school teacher.
Such a position requires patience, a quality with which I am not by nature well endowed, but I did succeed in displaying at least in sufficient quantity to fulfill my professional responsibilities. For twenty-seven years.
In retrospect it now appears that that “success” came at the cost of an increasing level of suppressed anger toward my immediate family, my wife and children. I can recollect now many warnings by Trudy that I was treating her with emotional brutality, but the resolutions I made each time to chafe were wiped out by the stresses I felt at the constraints within which I found myself bound, and which I feel no longer.
12 July ~ 2 pm.
In addition to the negative improvement, which the the absence of the necessity I felt to meet a number of heavy responsibilities, I am in the last few months benefitting from a positive improvement, one which I could not access prior to now, namely the chance to share with my boys how much their defiance of me hurts me (in contrast to blasting them with an emotional barrage of hostility ): my efforts to tell Trudy that she was hurting me with her behavior were shrugged off so quickly that I no longer attempt to express it; while to the boys, to my surprise, the same efforts are more than welcome.
14 July 2014 11:30 am.
In Mein Kampf [p. 269 in German ed., p. 286 in Engl. transl.(bibliographic detail upon request)] Adolf Hitler points to the contrast in ‘civilization” between the United States — he says North America — and Latin America — he says South America — and claims that the contrast justifies his racial interpretation of history. The German settlers of North America
new page in Journal, p. 31
dated 14 July 2014
in large letters [transcriber is Miguel Cabron] on this page I Am Almost Arrested
did not intermarry with the aboriginal population while the Mediterranean settlers in South America did. The unhappy retardation of civilization in the South was the result.
This brings up the question, quite independent of what the poorly-educated provincial German demagogue of 90 years ago made of it,
Why did the U.S. so outstrip Latin America in economic development during the 19th century?